In fact, just writing that sentence was hard. It started out as:
It is very very hard.
Then I thought, no--you need to be concise.
It is very hard.
Then I thought. no--get rid of the very. You don't need it. Ann Cannon would say "Get rid of it."
So I did.
Writers are people with lots of voices in their heads. Mine is an editor's voice: constantly thinking about how things look and sound. When I am writing my book, I try really hard to shut the editor up. I just write; it doesn't matter if it makes sense. It doesn't matter if it hooks up with what I have previously written. It is a first draft! Anne Lamott has some fabulous things to say about first drafts: see Bird by Bird.
The whole point is to just keep writing. My doctor has cautioned me that I need to be careful not to use all of my precious energy being consumed by the muse. It is a dangerous thing. But as Hemingway said: "Write hard and clear about what hurts." I recently wrote about this experience in my personal blog:
It is an interesting thing to raise up the darkest parts of your childhood. It is cathartic. It is weird. It is maddening.
It is necessary.
When this story stopped being about me and became about Abigail, a strange thing happened. I was able to write the pain, but not get consumed by it. I have been singed, but not consumed.
When we got back from WIFYR, Lee worked in my room while I was out and about. When I came back from church on Sunday, she said she had been looking at my collection: my books, my pictures, my stuff. She turned to me and said:
We are hoarders.
I laughed and she laughed. And then we looked at each other.
It is true.
The conversation progressed over the next few weeks and late one night we had a deep discussion about what books had become for us. Don't get me wrong. Books are wonderful. But books had become more than just pages. They were symbols, evidence of survival. Proof of worth.
A lot of my writer friends have been confronting this need to hold on to things and the need to get rid of things. I think it is a byproduct of creation. It also shows that we are in similar places.
Read about my recent adventures with confronting my book addiction here.
Read about Lee's experience here
Read about Ann's experience here
Read about Taya's experience here
All this goes to show that all of us writers with the voices in our heads, we are not alone. Join the club.
"In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you felt, what you did, and why you no longer need to feel it."
Mitch Albom
What are you holding on to?